Parentification is a type of emotional abuse or neglect that occurs when a child has to take on the role of a parent to siblings or even parents. This often occurs when substance abuse is present. The results of parentification can be long lasting. Children who lose their childhoods in this way learn to care for others at the expense of their own needs and feelings. As adults, parentified children often struggle with setting boundaries and can have difficulty with relationships, anxiety, and poor self esteem.
Examples of Parentification:
- Taking care of siblings because a parent is unable to do so
- Assuming household duties such as cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping (beyond chores or what would be expected at that age)
- Being a caretaker for a parent with a disability, mental health, or substance use disorder
- Financially supporting the family
- Witnessing a parent hurt themselves or others
- Forced to keep parent secrets
- Listening to parents talk about their problems, serving as a confidante, or giving emotional support
- Listening to one parent complain or vent about the other parent
A critical step to overcoming parentification is learning to set appropriate boundaries – creating clear guidelines and limits about what is acceptable, and honoring one’s own needs. However setting boundaries can upset the dynamics within the family, especially between siblings. Unfortunately, there is little research on parentification’s effects on sibling relationships. The article below notes that in some cases siblings maintain close, complex bonds into adulthood and continue to fulfill the needs of others at the expense of their own, while others distance themselves altogether to escape the role.
Choosing to estrange yourself from those who loved you first is a painful choice, akin to living in a door between two worlds. On the one side, you no longer belong to a shared past with others who know your history and on the the other, you resign yourself to a future with no extended family milestones to celebrate, or familial ties as you age. It is a high price to pay for peace and mental stability.
https://getpocket.com/explore/item/when-kids-have-to-act-like-parents-it-affects-them-for-life
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