“One doesn’t write to be published. One writes because one writes.
The writer’s obsession is that of the witness, meaning he or she must bear witness.”
Elie Wiesel
People write memoirs about their trauma for many reasons: to make sense of their experience, to grow, and, of course, to heal. As Elie Wiesel notes, one of the most important and enduring reasons memoirists put their stories on the page for everyone to see is to bear witness.
What does that mean—to bear witness? The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines it as “to show that something exists or is true.” In the case of writing a memoir about trauma, for me, bearing witness is more akin to Elie Wiesel’s definition of an obsession to tell my truth.
I grew up in a large family with six brothers and sisters. For various reasons, my truth may look different from theirs. Does that mean the trauma they or I experienced didn’t occur? No. It does not. Defense mechanisms often get in the way of getting to the truth of past events, lasting for years and sometimes for a lifetime. These include denial, suppression, and cognitive distortion. For many who experienced childhood trauma in dysfunctional family systems, these powerful psychological processes work to keep painful events and family secrets from coming to the surface. However, when they do, not everyone wants to tell their story. Having lived through it is seemingly enough.
Why do some of us feel compelled to write about painful events that have occurred in our lives? I can’t answer for everyone. Elie Wiesel said he had to bear witness for the dead and for the living. I can’t compare my experiences to his; I have no conception of that kind of trauma or the horrors of the Holocaust. I only know my trauma. I can only bear witness to the trauma I experienced as a child and how it affected my life. In doing so, I hope to shine a light on the impact of childhood neglect. There is a popular myth that only physical or sexual abuse causes childhood or developmental trauma. This is incorrect. Research has shown that physical and emotional neglect can be equally or even more damaging. As someone who works with children every day, I believe this is important information.
Ultimately, I must bear witness for the child I was because I am the keeper of her memories, of her pain, and ultimately the excavator of her joyful ones, too. In doing so, perhaps others with similar experiences won’t feel so alone—there is healing in community.
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