Fear & Shame: The Toxic Roots of Complex PTSD
Confused about the difference between PTSD and Complex PTSD? You’re not alone. Knowing that a single traumatic event causes PTSD, and Complex PTSD has its roots in prolonged and repeated trauma, doesn’t fully explain the difference between these two disorders.
What is important to note is that the root causes of these two disorders differ. PTSD has its roots in fear, and Complex PTSD has its roots in a toxic combination of fear and shame.
How the Inner Critic Develops
Children placed in traumatic situations where they are abused or neglected, and where they lack the ability to understand what is happening to them or to escape the situation, develop negative internal thoughts. These negative thoughts include the idea that the abuse or neglect is their fault, that if they were ____ (better behaved, more lovable, less demanding, insert whatever message they have internalized) their caregivers wouldn’t have abused or neglected them. Eventually, these thoughts will often develop into a harsh “inner critic,” or internal voice. This voice acts as a self-protection mechanism. By blaming themselves, they hope to avoid rejection and disappointment.
Over time, that relentless inner critic can fuel messages that increase feelings of shame. These messages sound like: “I’ll never get it right, nobody likes me, or it’s all my fault.” The inner critic gives the child a false sense of control by delivering damaging criticism before others have a chance. It’s far more painful to hear that kind of criticism from others. Ultimately, what began as a protective response morphs into a rigid, inflexible strategy that increasingly harms their sense of self-worth.
As adults, the inner critic becomes ingrained as a way of responding to life’s events and often leads to the “isms”—workaholism, alcoholism, and perfectionism, which impair relationships and careers.
Transforming the Inner Critic
The healing work of an individual with Complex PTSD is then to transform the inner critic into a compassionate and growth-oriented source of inner dialogue, moving from inner conflict and self-sabotage to self-acceptance, inner peace, and self-empowerment.
I love this video by Brené Brown (Who am I kidding – I just love Brené Brown!), who speaks to the need for compassion in transforming the inner critic. I don’t know about her experience with Complex PTSD, but I do know she gets us. She understands the power of inner dialogue and the importance of becoming our first, best friend.
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